Tears and Laughter
by jurawks
Summary: [One Shot] His best friend just died, and all he can do is laugh and cry. Rated M because the language MIGHT be too coarse.


Note: I don't own any of the Marauders and Lily. I'm not writing for profit, merely for fun.

Author's Note: I'm not an avid fan of the HP series, so I'm not sure about the details. But this is what I think Sirius would feel like. And please take the profanities professionally although I think they wouldn't have existed then. But then...that's not the point. On with the story!

Tears and Laughter

Cursing and swearing and crying, blinded by burning tears of pure hatred, fury and grief, he stumbled into the dark night, in pursuit of the betrayer, his wand arm gripping his wand so tight his knuckles were white, his other fist so tightly clenched that his nails dug into his palm, drawing blood. But he didn't notice all this, his eyes were searching the streets for the betrayer. He had never known such fury and hatred. He had never known this sudden bloodlust. He had never felt more ready to kill.

The moon did nothing to help his already swimming vision. The news of the Potters' deaths had reached him just a while ago. He remembered standing shock still. He remembered the sudden tears of grief. And then he found out who the betrayer was, and the tears of grief became tears of hate.

He could vaguely remember Remus' voice telling him that it was Peter. Remus' voice was bitter and cold when he told Sirius, "When I find that rat, I'm going to kill him." It was not just a statement. It was a promise. Sirius didn't know how much Remus hated Peter at that moment, but Sirius personally wanted to torture Peter until Peter could scream no more, could beg no more, could cry no more. He wanted to use Peter as his punching bag to hurl all his insults and curses and jinxes and hexes until Peter was completely torn apart.

A part of him argued that Peter was one of them. Peter was one of the Marauders. All the more for him, Sirius, to kill that rat; that filthy, stinking, useless muck of a rat! He could feel bile rising in his throat as he thought of the times they had spent together. _I should've known he was nothing but a liar. A…a…_

All the insults he wanted to hurl at Peter momentarily disappeared as he caught sight of that small figure, fleeing. His mind had never been clearer as he chased Peter and turned his wand on him. "Filthy rat!" Sirius spat out the words. Although shaking with grief and fury, his wand arm was steady. "Motherfucking son of a bitch!!" He roared, the words dripping with venom.

Peter stared back at him, his eyes devoid of any expression. Not even a hint of regret. Not even a hint of satisfaction. And that made Sirius hate him all the more. "I'm going to kill you! I'm going to rip your limbs apart slowly. I swear I'm going to make you suffer till you can scream no more. Are you listening to me, Pettigrew? I'm going to skin you alive. I'll never forgive you for what you've done. You killed them, Pettigrew! Have you ever thought of that? Have you ever thought of how much James had done for you while we were still in Hogwarts? Have you ever remembered those Marauding times? The Marauders! Come to think of it, you don't deserve to be one of us! Come to think of it, you were nothing more but a moronic speck of dust! I told James we shouldn't have let you hang around with us. But that idiot wouldn't listen! I had my suspicions all along, and I was right."

A new wave of tears overtook him and Sirius began shaking even more. He muttered something inaudible under his breath. Peter simply looked at him with loathing in his eyes. Then he grinned maliciously, shouting aloud, "James and Lily! How could you?"

Sirius' eyes widened in shock. "What the hell are you saying, Pettigrew?" he demanded. There was a gleam in Peter's eyes as he murdered the Muggles in cold-blood, transformed into his pathetic rat body and sprinted down the drain.

Sirius laughed. And laughed. And laughed. "What the hell are you doing, Pettigrew? James and Lily! For God's sake! You're not a genius, Pettigrew. You're filth. Scumbag. Muck. Rat!"

He didn't notice as the Ministry men hauled him off to Azkaban. He only laughed, thinking of what he had sworn to do: to kill Peter. He laughed at the thought that James and Lily were dead. He laughed at the thought that Peter had killed innocent Muggles and transformed into a rat. He couldn't remember the last time he had laughed so much, and so hard.

-x-x-x-

Sirius Black stared at the wall of the cell he was in and punched it again and again and again. He didn't even notice his knuckles bleeding. He couldn't be bothered by the cries that was echoing and re-echoing throughout Azkaban. The one thing he had on his mind was vengeance. Vengeance, for James and Lily's death, for the reason his godson was now an orphan.

The Dementors didn't bother him. Why would they? He was already devoid of happiness before he even step foot into Azkaban. He had never shed a tear since his arrival at Azkaban. Why should he? There were no more tears to be shed. No more tears worth shedding.

Tears. What were they meant for anyway? He laughed. His laughter was cold, bitter and spine-chilling.


End file.
